She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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