Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
