I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
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