so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
