I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
