one might say we're banned from that church
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
