I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
