i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
