This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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