As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
