im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
