i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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