Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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