i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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