this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
