I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
