i just google imaged poop.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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