new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
