The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
