Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
