Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
