You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
