How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
