i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She swung at the pinata with crutches
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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