she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
