Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
