Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize