and you said cock pushups were impossible
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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