Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
