Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
