I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
