Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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