Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
