i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
