Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
