Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
