i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
