i need an iv and a liver transplant
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
