Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
