Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
