1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You can't motorboat a personality
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
