which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
