I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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