Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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