True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
