I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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