I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
