This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
