How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
