I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
