did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
