youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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