Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
