I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
