oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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