On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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