so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize