You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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