I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
