oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
