Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
