When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
