This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
