Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
