I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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