I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
