i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
