Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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