He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
