forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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