The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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