This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
