hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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