All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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