Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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