Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
