speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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