I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
