you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
