he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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