the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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