uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
