I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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