Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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