Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
