I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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