You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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