Nicole vs. Life
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
