A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You ruined the universe
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
