im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
