I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the day after is always just damage control
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
