Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
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