I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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