No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
