question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
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