I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
