can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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