please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
