oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
